Monday, 6 February 2012

February already!

Can you believe February is here already?  My whanau and I have settled back into the rhythm of life, and the last of the fabulous five has contracted and beaten chicken pox.  That disease is frightening to say the least.  And while waka ama Nationals have been and gone (the 8 year old won a silver medal!), its straight into basketball for all and secondary schools waka ama for one.  Sport will continue to play an integral part of our lives this year.  Yes I plan to play sports.  We are talking fuel needs for bodies that are in training.  It ties in nicely with the restraint we are all exercising when it comes to buying unhealthy food.  We have runs of good days where we think to buy healthy, we eat sensibly and don’t waste food, and we are thankful.  Tiredness, and busyness sees old habits creep in a few times though.  This will be a slow journey!  
Back to Kura for all the kids tomorrow.  Another year of weighing up the challenge of children participating in a schooling system that I believe is something that meets their needs as Māori, while simultaneously and confidently working full-time in a system that holds other beliefs true in education.  The mental struggle to stay true is hard when confronted by some of the dominant systems and processes, policies and practices, statistics and attitudes.  For every blow taken in that environment, the happiness and joy of seeing my kids grow and succeed as a result of their Kura more than compensates.    
I have returned to commuting by train because I am hopeless at keeping a carpool going.  My irregular start/finishing times and the need to be responsive at home/work wasn’t compatible with set leaving times.  Such is life.  I could persist with a carpool group I suppose, and commit (again) to times but the chance to unwind on the hour long train trip home is too attractive.  And after a spate of work ($$$) on my car, I am quite prepared not to have to deal with car maintenance and the soaring price of petrol this year.  Plus it allows me time to, surreptitiously, observe people.  NO not spying or being a nohi.  Observing.  I find after two years of discovering who I am (and continuing to discover) I am keenly drawn to understanding how humans connect and relate to each other.  I guess when you have a relationship break up, understanding those things becomes important!
And understanding those things differently has definitely helped.  I find I am a little more open to redefining a friendship of sorts with my ex.  We will always have children and so a relationship needs to exist, for their benefit.  But increasingly, though slowly, some of the enduring parts of our former relationship have become grounds to build new connections.  Common values, beliefs, understandings are still there.  Each point of connection becomes something that two adults can discuss.  No friction, no tension, no reliance on former knowledges we had of each other.  Just simple new beginnings.  Who are we and what do we know, now.  It is a strange place, and a sadness exists in the shadows, but it is bittersweet, and not malicious.  Oh, I am growing up.

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