Political neutrality.

Had an interesting conversation in a meeting at work today.  Discussing issues around Union matters and the subject of political neutrality raises its head.  You'll probably guess, if you don't know me, that I am a very hardworking Public Servant.  No.  That is not a juxtaposition, the two terms should never be seperated.  I have been thinking about this subject since well, since I started working there.  Recently I have been tiptoeing around and maintaining a safe distance from 'political speak' and trying to be as neutral as possible.

Part of the reason I tiptoe is because I am petrified of losing my job - I have kids and my natural fear is that I wont be able to care for them.  But last night was different.  I was commenting on Facebook and had absolutely no problems owning my beliefs, and putting myself out there.  I was all for Pita Sharples, and Tariana Turia.  I wasn't on any national stage trumpeting the benefits of this, that and the other.  Not by a longshot, just chatting.  Nothing too public on Facebook (okay, that is a juxtaposition), and no big stakes in it but I was pretty passionate and vehement about my beliefs.  I know that is the point of being political, but you need to understand what a chicken shit I am.

When you start working as a Public Servant they drum that political neutrality into you.  And it freaked the bejeebers out of me.  As a naturally conservative and reserved person (don't laugh friends and whanau, the big mouth is a cover) political neutrality suited me fine!  But I think I have allowed myself to become politically invisible.  But throughout this year, little things have started stirring.  I have wanted to be more proactive as a Union rep at work,  I have wanted to stand for something, I have wanted my own platform, know who I am, know what I am.  I have spent years knowing who the ex was, knowing what he stood for and supporting that.  I forgot myself in the process. 

But I have started laying the foundations, and going with my gut!  I pursued and have taken up a National role with the Union.  I have wanted this.  I am doing this.  And I am remembering to trust my instincts.  You know, the one where youknow something just does not feel right.  At one time in my life I knew how to articulate that feeling.  But it wasn't based on an idea of who I was, it was based on learned responses from studies, lectures, media coverage, the ex, others.  Nothing wrong with reiterating what others say, especially when it resonates, right?  But, I have my own mind, I trust that I speak for my whanau, I know what I want for us.  That is my political voice.